A break-up can be an extremely painful juncture in life. Two people who have loved each other, know each other can part ways for various reasons. But regardless, break-ups are painful and generally leave behind scars. Saying goodbye to a beloved person or a relationship can never be easy for anyone. People do a lot of crazy things to avoid feeling the pain after a break-up. Unfortunately, we can run from the pain but we can never hide from it. At some point, it always catches up to us.
It is a general assumption that women are more capable of feeling a sense of loss. But, it might not be completely true as men feel a deep sense of loss too after a break-up, but they refrain from showing it. Social conditioning has programmed men to deal with their pain in silence. A man who cries or is in touch with his emotions might not always be seen as a very ‘manly’ persona. This kind of social conditioning is harming men more than helping them. Grief is a human emotion that we feel after going through a loss and crying is a natural way of expressing that grief. So, when men try to go against this natural process, they end up harming their emotional construct.
Science Says Men Might Not Get Over Break-ups
A new research has shown that a break-up might cause a lot of pain to women in the beginning but women tend to recover much faster from a break-up than men. According to the study author Craig Morris at Binghamton University, all women get over their break-ups at some point. Women have an affinity of talking about their break-ups, pain, trauma etc at great lengths. And talking about their pain helps them to get over their sordid past. But men never do that. They wallow in their pain, all by themselves and in silence. Unlike women, men don’t really experience that much pain all at once right after their break-ups but they never really get over their pain completely, research suggests.
Women go through their pain and trauma quite openly. Hence, they can get over their pain quicker than men. Women come back to the dating world healed after a break-up. The same doesn’t happen to men often. According to Morris, men often stay in their dark place for a long time and never really get over their pain.
This study was recently published in the journal Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences. The study took into consideration inputs from over 5700 men and women from all over the world. But the findings of this study is a big generalization of human emotion and it might not describe everyone’s experience.
Emotional Anguish
The study has found out that women go through relatively more emotional anguish than men. Researchers like to believe that women feel this pain more severely as they have more to lose from their decisions. Women give out a reproductive access in a relationship which can lead to pregnancy. This along with the psychological pain of losing intimacy trigger their intense pain. But, this pain is not much lesser for men either. Researchers say that men experience pain of an average of 6.6 whereas women experience pain of an average of 6.8 on a scale that measures emotional anguish after a break-up.
The Way Forward For Men
This research suggests that men should seek more social help and support from people while dealing with their pain. Men are more conditioned to bear their pain in stoic silence, but that is not a very ideal way of dealing with grief. Talking about one’s pain can provide proper closure in this matter. This will help men in getting over their pain faster and more constructively. This way men will be able to step forward into the future without having an emotional baggage from the past.
Men should be encouraged by people around them to talk about their pain. So, help your guy friend or a male family member today by encouraging them to reach out for help.
