Every parenting style is unique. So, stop judging and be supportive of your friends who are braving the parenthood.
He Finally Said It…
My sweet, sweet boy said “Mom” yesterday.
And then cried for me “mama-aaa” when he woke up.
I kid, I kid. But I just have to share this. Because it is kind of redeeming. Right?
For every waking second, every kiss, every snuggle, every early morning and every late night, every bottle, and every-thing else, for every ounce of time I pour into this small human, this small bit of recognition from him means the absolute world to me.
Like somehow, him saying my name, makes my job real.
Parenthood Is So Hard…
Because we have so much pressure to be and do so many things, and really, first of all – it is impossible, and second of all – it is unnecessary.
The things our kids need from us are not at the store or online. They are in our hearts, in the love we give them. They are in our minds, in the wisdom and knowledge we offer them.
We have everything they need (yes, except for food, smartass…that can be found at the store, except for breastmilk, so booyah!).
Stop Judging Your Friends, Start Supporting Them!
When I am having conversations with my other parent friends, I can tell their hesitance to talk about some of the parenting choices they are making or have made.
It is not because I am a judgy friend. It is because our society is judgy and they feel it, and they are afraid of being judged. So they speak of their parenting philosophies with total trepidation and fear. This is unacceptable.
My response is always similar when I sense this happening and it goes something like this, “Listen, it is a jungle out there. And you are so smart. You have that parenting intuition so you just have to do what you think is best. And if it was not, you will learn something, and if it was, you will learn something.”
And instantly I can see the relief on their face because they do not have to prove anything or explain anything. They can just be and they can just be good with who they are and what they are doing, even if it is for a brief amount of time.
We need more of this. We need to be supportive of our friends who are braving the parenthood jungle and let them know that we get it – it is hard, and we have got their back.
Good friends add opinions. Great friends add strength.
Parenting Is Not A Competitive Sport!
It is easy to pick apart other people’s approach to life, parenting, or whatever else you may find yourself picking at…but, stop it, for real!
I think it is automatic and so I understand. It took me several years to totally retrain myself in this area. Every single time I heard that awful, shrill, judgy voice pop into my head, I had to make a conscious effort to stop it.
And guess what? I am so much happier. Oh my gosh! Like a million fucking times happier. Because I do not worry about everyone else, and their decisions, and all of the other things that were fogging up my mind.
And guess what else?
My friendships are so much better now. Because when you look at someone and say/think “You can handle this. You do not need me to tell you or judge you along the way” it solidifies bonds.
It builds trust and comfort and something so real. A place where you can be who you are, something plenty of us do not actually have.
So back to the little guy, and the most adorable way he is blurting out “Mom”. I am able to pour all of the love and goodness I can into him, and my other two darling girls, because I have supportive friendships that do not pick and pull at my edges. But that lift me up, that say “You have got this, keep going mama.”
We all need this. Are you getting it? Are you providing it?
If the answer is NO, how can you make it a YES?
How can you be that light, that place in the lives that mean the most to you? How can you be the one who shares the truth and spreads the light?
Figure it out and be that. The rest will take care of itself. You will see.
PS: Looking for an easy action step? Grab a post-it and write down “I will not judge my friends. I will not allow my friends to judge me”. Stick it on your mirror. Read it morning and night. Leave it there for 60-days. Done. Watch change happen by doing this simple act.